I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
