I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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