Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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