How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
