she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
