I just saw a hot homeless man
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
