try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
