Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize