I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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