I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
