I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
