Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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