I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
