I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize