We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
