He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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