I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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