I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Church boner. Awkwardddd
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
