If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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