About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
