i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
