chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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