You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
