Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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