Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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