Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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