I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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