Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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