Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
