just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
