Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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