oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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