somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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