I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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