I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
