if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
