We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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