First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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