Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
