Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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