So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
