Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
