I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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