So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
