either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
