We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You made out with two different species that night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
