woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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