Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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