The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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