I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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