I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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