I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize