Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
