I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
