Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
