I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
