Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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