Pants 0. Shit 1.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
