Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
