I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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