Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
