just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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