toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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