mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
