I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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