Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Randomize
