She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I could make wine with my vomit
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
