We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
