the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
