Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
