The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
