Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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