Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
