Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
