somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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