cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
